Mission week 31 (05/06/2024)

I really do be thinkin too much. I just need to stop thinkin sometimes, like the other day I was thinking and trying to figure out what Jesus ate to live during his life and if he had to buy it and work to get money to buy it or if other people bought his food or gave it to him. I got no clue, but I do know that he went fishing. So he ate fish and maybe sold some fish with his Apostles. That's a lot of guessing, but the fact is that he went fishing.... So I followed Jesus' example and went fishing too earlier this week haha. Recent converts and investigators were just off the side of the road fishing so we joined them for a sec. But ya i really do be thinking too much, overthinking everything, doubting myself, and questioning things i have never questioned before. It was really annoying cuz i have never seriously questioned things like stuff that would say I know, but was not solid knowledge. Things that I have always believed, accepted and grown on that. Experiences that strengthened that belief and faith, but then, dont judge, but for a day or two i was questioning myself whether or not i "believe", or "know" or if God exists. I have never actually questioned this in my life. I just believed that an all powerful being "God" created all things. But then I questioned if I just believed or if I knew. This was about a 3 day a battle in my mind. I wanted to know. I wanted to know and not be able to doubt. Like Joseph Smith to know if and not be able to deny it. I wanted to know soo bad. I was praying, studying, and I was able to come to a somewhat peace on the first and second day. That hoping and choosing to believe and accept that he exists was good. He only asks us to believe. But I was still searching to KNOW, I had faith and believed that I would find an answer to know. On the third day i really needed to know. In the morning i prayed in the shower. Those shower prayers are legit the most humble prayers ever. I was on my knees with my head in my hands almost touching the floor. For about a half hour begging to be able to know, 100% with a certainty that he exists. To not be able to doubt any more, to not be able to deny it. I had faith, I hoped and I believed he existed and was acting on that faith, but I needed to know. The key i learned that i already knew but had to actually so was to act, to take action, because the Lord loves effort. In my studies that day I was studying good and hard to find the answer. Because I know that in order to converse with God we can talk to him through prayer, and he speaks to us through the Holy Ghost, through people, through prophets and scriptures. So i used that. I found a talk from Elder Holland in April 2013. It answered my prayer soo directly, in words exactly what i used in my prayer and a way that i knew it was my answer. I know that God heard my prayer, and he answered it. He answered in a direct way with words that I cannot deny this answer. I now can say that I cannot deny that he exists. Because my prayer was immediately answered, in a perfect, direct and loving way. I have faith, i believe, and i KNOW that God exists, and because of this knowledge i know that we have a loving Father in Heaven, i know that the Holy Ghost os always guiding us when we are keeping our covenants and following the commandments, I know that Jesus walked the earth, that is a fact, and he established the fullness of his true Gospel and Church. I know that he gave the keys Authority and his power, to use the Priesthood, to bless people, make covenants and seal things here on the earth and for the Eternities in his Holy house in the Temple. I know that he took our sins upon himself, died and was resurrected because he loved us and did this for God's plan of Salvation to work. Because of all of this I know this and because I know this, believe, and have faith in this I have more hope, peace, joy, happiness, and charity now in this life. Now I get to share that knowledge with others to spark their faith and belief to have this joy and hope too. Now I just needa quit overthinking lol, I have never doubted myself that way in my life, it has never been a question for me and I thought I was good. But the devil was tryna beat me down, but I sought out God's help. Now I'm tryna forget myself more think more about the simple things that i need to teach people, how to help other people and that good stuff. When i forget myself more i think that will knock out that annoying thoughts and overthinking unimportant things. Other thing to learn here is to pray, act, and God will answer. Now, the other stuff that happened this week! litt District churrasco, flew pipas there too, played snooker, ping pong, air hockey and more. it was awesome! i learned that the word fear, is wrong. to fear God. The word Fear in Portuguese has two translations, Temor, and Medo. Temor means reverence, awe, or devotion. more respect and trust in God to yes fear God but not to be deathly afraid, you cannot trust someone if you are afraid of them or what they might do if they had a knife. Medo means fright, fear or dread. My Comp was funny with this because the translation is another word to be more exact. fear is correct in english sort of, but you need to focus more on trusting God not being super scared of him. if you are not following him you have a reason to fear him. but if you are following him trust him and have temor of God. it was funny cuz my comp told me to forget the word fear and just use trust instead. and fear is wrong, temor is right lol. random stuff of the week. -normally me and my family always go to lake Powell this time of year to fish... this year our friends there have been catching crazy amounts of fish and the fishing has been really good! but my fam didn't go, and i didnt go so technically i am not missing out on it... but you already know i'm goin when i get back. -This country shop here is litt! I bought nice boombas, the strange but cool straw for mate, and almost bought about everything else in the store. My common sense saved me and my bank account haha. they had everything, boots, jeans, belts, hats, knives, wipps, belt buckles... with knives, and tons more! i loved it and am going back 100%! -Had a holiday called Workers Holliday, everyone has no work, but we do! Everyone was home so work was awesome! -bought nerf guns, had many battles. -went fishing, caught 2 fish. -Read my Patriarchal blessing a lot, helped me find answers - Played Futebol, played really well, and jumped really high! I hit a header wayy high up in the air and I still don't know how I did it. I looked at the ground and just realized it was super far away lol. - I ate sweet potato mashed with milk and sugar. was strange but good. - people be cutting pipas any way they can! the rules are that if you cut it and grab it you can have it. they chucked a rock with a string in the air to grab a string and successfully won a pipa! - I cut pipas with my pipa. I cut Elders again, and I cut down the guy who sells them! and he is like a pro! That was dope. We marked a few dates for baptisms but everyone has been pretty flakey on us. they just gotta go to church! but that's alright. Transfers are today and I am staying here with my comp! so we bouta mark up the bap rates lets goooooo! In these letters I am super open and completely honest about what's been going on here, cuz I want to remember this stuff too haha, but I think that it is better that way too. I am not perfect and i have weaknesses, you guys get to see that! Everyone has them. I am not immune to them just because I am a missionary. But as I put my trust in God, he will direct me, help me and strengthen me along the way! i searched believe in God and clicked (Mosiah 4:9-10 : Believe in God -- The Book Of Mormon Seminary Manual 2024) Then found the talk by Elder Jeffry R Holland in April 2013 called "Lord I Believe" Give it a listen it's awesome I love you all! Believe In God! Trust in God! With him by your side nothing is impossible God is Good yall, and he is Truly Great! Until next week… Tchau! -Elder Martin https://photos.app.goo.gl/ZYjR28Ehi9siAcjK9